..and there i was

…and there I was shocked beyond belief, dumbfounded at what had just happened. Stupidly assuming that everything was ok, that everything was over…but I was stuck there looking at the mess, the darkness the silence the only thing I felt nothing else, suddenly everything is numb….there was so much I felt, there was so much I thought but now all I feel is emptiness. Emptiness filling the space, like I would never have imagined…and all around me is this quiet that is inexplicable, this haunting calm that contrasts my inner thoughts. My screaming lungs which no one can hear. My racing mind under a calm façade…but it fools no one .no one would ever know…no one would even think what has happened…
The color pink suddenly, what is this color surrounding me how did everything change so much. The world is different or are my eyes looking at everything differently…
The sound of my heart pounding so loud…something no one can ever hear…something only I can feel.
A life without brotherhood… a life without care is all I see around me…screams of pain, cries and shrieks surrounding me, blinding me…nothing I can do nothing I can feel.
Like waves, like the tide that reaches its epitome, its extreme till it can fly no more and then it ends….the silence…that’s all there is………….



The passage basically toils around the conclusion; there is no introduction of the character. It only talks about the effect; there is no mention of the actions, of the consequences. I write this way because I don’t really know how and why I feel certain things. I have never had any extreme heart wrenching experiences, hence my writings are inexplicable. Organic structuring is basically metaphors used for non living objects.
I write in such a way because I want the subjective nature of my feeling to sound objective and I like to create mystery, otherwise everything is just point blank in the open. If I write like this everyone has their own interpretation too.

shiverin

in a trance..... shiverin in your cold

tears just cant be found neware

hot tears soakin me in da cold ma only warmth...neva felt like da only oneneva keep lookin back no use stop dis pain...stop it will never hear dos words all i hear is u screamin...screamin ur lungs out...till ma ears become so numb so numb....y y do i feel dis way

magical music

dis is just the way its always going to be ill keep shutting the music....always

water

words arent necessary, syllables unspoken yet everythings said....the void has dissapeared.

bridges

i have some fascination for them because i guess im stuck on one.....

so many cracks

So many cracks are they all for a reason? I feel like becoming numb… so numb that I cant feel anything to avoid all da pain I can forget all da happiness n just fly not care about da consequences just to be free away from everythin yet wantin everythin dis phase keeps comin n all I do is regret it after dat n dats da end dies cyclone will keep repeatin itself in consequent circles this whirlpool will folklow me like my shadow I feel I get rid of it in da dark till its noon n it appears again foolowin me I don’t realize dat im hidin behind glass its transparent, if everyone feels alone then why does anyone make the other person feel bad when u no how it feels to get hurt y hurt
Empty corners is dat all I can see is dat all der is for me an empty life empty empty who will fill it? I no only I can no one can possibly do it for me no one………………………………………………………………………………

cry

She is surrounded by pain by horror…but she doesn’t have anywhere to run! Her eyes show helplessness.
She wants someone to protect her….but all she has with her is her doll, only a materialistic thing. Her hand is reaching out for someone to hold her. She has seen so much pain…she has seen the real world…she didn’t know the world was so horrible…she thought it was about chocolates and Barbie dolls…little did she know that one day she will have all those materialistic things she has longed for, but no family, she lost her true world. Her family died in front of her eyes... her hand is wiping her tears to soothe the pain, but they keep flowing. She is in a corner in the darkness where she wants to hide and never come out of.

She had everything, her parents’ love…but she didn’t value it; all she wanted was new toys to play with…she didn’t know that a day would come when she would crave for their love but all that would be left would be ghosts from the past.




She saw them burning in front of her…the nightmare that will haunt her all her life…the screams of agony and pain would never fade. She tried to sink away in the corner into the darkness, never wanting to see light. She was afraid of the truth, found comfort in the grueling darkness….she didn’t want sympathy.

I have made this sculpture to express the way I felt when my grandmother died, I wanted to portray the pain and helplessness I felt, I made it during that week and connect to it in many ways with my life…..

Ghosts from the past is all about gothic darkness, I wanted to portray the maximum amount of fear ….and a child’s fear is greater than anyone’s and then I came up with the idea of making Stephanie a five year old who was suddenly surrounded by a turmoil of horror my next pieces will be about the way she discovers happiness mainly through God.

sum lines 2

In life every1 cums 4 a purpose it can b as small as changing sum1s moment or as big as changing sum1s life…………….

Even though ther is so much happiness - greenery …... I dunno y da shadowz r attractin me I wanna no vat lies below da beauty , da fakeness . there can also b beauty below da ugly da bad...........funny how sum ppl cover up their beauty while others flaunt da beauty dey don even posess !////////

sum lines

In life there will be many paths, the gud n da bad , da tough n da easy but only if u take da tough u will get success n don worry bout da ppl wid u coz dey r like water sum will flow away and others will cum by.....but I am da rock wid u always n even if u flow away juz luk bak n il still b der…………………………

My diary,

It kills me you can’t see what you put me through,
My tears soaks my pillow but you don’t even know if only I had seen you the last time the last time that would never come back and the void between us that lasts for infinity…I hide in the dark trying to merge into the wall trying not to think of you in the light, when you look right through me the wall is that all you see? The wall I created?
Do u ever look at me the way I do? Your eyes are cold leaving all the warmth I ever to wish to show you behind I play blaring music so I cant see u talking to them so happy so free…….
But all I see in front of me is a mirror shattering breaking into pieces.
My life’s in pieces breaking shattering and that’s all I can think of the pieces and the most exquisite piece of my life has been and will always be you. After all that you have done to me I still see only the good in you call me blind but…

There are words ill never say words that never crossed your mind
Cos of you I changed my white wings to black ones and now I cant fly

why is everyone so predictable why does everyone only draw eyes
why butterflies for beauty why is thin beautiful I’ve finally said it cant keep it in me any longer and why I am letting myself do this to me.

It suffocates me this air this place it suffocates me to be me to have acted this way to take all this shit it suffocates now to even stand by you be near u to hear the same words spoken but now to someone else is it so easy not to look back?

I need to jump of I need to be free to just break away if only its as easy as it seems