nothing to say

nothing to say

A stranger in the mirror

“Look at me.” My lungs screamed out even though my heart reached out to her. I dint know how to handle her, whether to be angry or comforting. Leah lay on her bed not looking up; her tears were the only warmth she accepted. My pleas went unheard. Leah was suddenly experiencing and experimenting with a new facet of her life. In the past few months she had changed everything- her clothes, her friends, her thoughts and her life.
Leah and I used to be pretty close. We used to talk for several hours, exhausting topic after topic. Now we hardly spoke, it was just polite conversation I guess, because our perceptions differed so much. Nowadays she stopped confiding in anyone. She kept worrying, hurting inside. She however put a completely different façade in front of others.
She only said, “Go away I don’t want you to go down the same track I did, you wont understand me…no one ever does!”
How do I tell you I care so much, you will never tell me anything will you? Am I to childish, will I not understand, I want to hear
How many times do I have to ask?
I don’t know why it hurts me but it does. You make everything into a joke you can’t laugh about everything.
All I can feel at this moment is frustration. Frustrations building up inside me, because I cant see what she’s doing to herself. Frustration because all I feel like doing right now is just shaking her up and showing her the person she has turned into. A mirror…if only she would not ignore the looking glass I am to her. If only she would know how much it hurts me that she is paining inside, that I can see the fire boiling within her, that I’m still the same. That my shadow walks even without the sun and unquestioningly will follow her too. If only she would say something. Words that will not only help her but also me, she doesn’t know and I might not show but how can I keep still? How do I not react? How do I become indifferent after all this time? After knowing so much?
I try to ignore everything she has said because I know what she really feels. If only she knew…that all she’s looking through is a peephole and that the door still hasn’t opened. That there is so much more to life and that there is so much in store. All the happiness is waiting to be unveiled.

it is simple concentrating on things now that i dont have ties. for the first time i feel im living fo myself and not pleasing and getting distracted by anyone. but how long and is this really what i want, i wonder.
when we have strings atttached they become a part of us untill they can not be seperated and when they are cut off they always leave marks.
but these strings help create a life it is from these strings that we are all made. if no one made strings no one would exist.

How does darkness sound?
Do you want to hear it…?
It surrounds me, it’s always has
Just come closer

A hint of happiness
A crack of a smile
Burn it, bury it, hide it
Seal it don’t let anyone see it

Don’t smile at me,
It feels like a smirk
Don’t wish for me,
It feels like a spell

Shut your eyes
Don’t watch
Don’t listen
I’m scared

I don’t trust you
I’ve never have
Then why are you letting me in

it starts with that

it starts with that
a glimpse
a look
a smile
a word
a touch
and then everything turns ito a whirlpool the rushing wihd carring you away.

dont look

dont look
il stare
dont ring the bell
dont give me hope
dont make me hear them
footsteps
il thinl their urs
dont love me
il never leave
u will hate me
i know
but il never leave
i dont care
i dont want to
dont leave
dont....